Dr. David Palmiter's Blog for Hectic Parents

Having your kid come home with a poor report card can be challenging and upsetting. For responding to this I’d like to offer two perspectives and six steps.

Perspecitive #1: Though we all do it from time-to-time, freaking out is rarely helpful. This response is certainly understandable, especially if you believe your kid has dropped the ball. But, it rarely helps and often hurts both your relationship with your kid and the underlying problem (e.g., a kid hating school).

Perspective #2: The underlying issues are usually fixable, it just take properly understanding what has happened. Staying problem and solution focused can be very helpful. The following six steps are meant to help you in this regard. (These steps are not meant to be a sequential list.)

Step #1: Schedule a face-to-face meeting with the teacher or teachers. At this meeting discuss, at minimum, your kid’s strengths, what the teacher(s) believe has caused the poor report card, and a plan of remediation. Please read my blog entry “Eleven Important Tips When You Meet with a Teacher” to make the most out of this meeting.

Step #2: Figure out what constitutes success for your kid. We parents do well to focus on effort more than outcomes. Is your kid bringing it and getting Bs? If yes, that may be okay. Is your kid barely trying and earning As and Bs? If yes, that may not be okay.

Step #3: Determine what role homework plays in your kid’s grades. Is there too much of it? Is your kid trying hard enough? Is your kid lying to you about what homework is assigned? Aspects of your assessment of the homework situation can be useful to share in the teacher meeting. Please read my blog entry “Seven Tips for Coping with Homework Hell” to get the most out of this step.

Step #4: Determine if extracurricular activities, sleep schedules or your kid’s social life are interfering with academic performance. If yes, the problem(s) may be easy to tweak if you’ve caught it/them early enough. (Searching with the word “sleep” above will list multiple entries regarding sleep.)

Step #5: Consider improving the quality of the relationship between you and your kid. If you are surprised by a poor report card, that may suggest that there is too much distance between the two of you. Spending one hour a week doing “special time” with your kid can be a fix (see Chapter One in my parenting book or articles on this blog site for more information on how to implement special time).

Step #6: Ask yourself whether a glitch in your kid’s mental health could be playing a role. If your kid seems depressed, angry, worried, stress out, hung over, or some other negative adjective, seriously consider having a good child or adolescent psychologist do an evaluation to get to the bottom of things. (See my article titled “What Does a Good Mental Health Evaluation Look Like?” to get the most out of this step. You may also find value in reading  “Affording Mental Health Care” or Chapter 10 of my parenting book.) Part of this work-up may include an evaluation to rule out a learning disability.

Good luck and, on behalf of your future kid, thank you for your work on this!