Dr. David Palmiter's Blog for Hectic Parents

I’m in the middle of a hectic summer schedule, so I thought I’d let others do my writing by sharing my top dozen favorite, humorous parenting quotes of all time:

I’ve never understood horror movies. If you want horror have a couple of kids. Richard “Old Man” Harris, Pawn Stars

Parents don’t want justice. They want QUIET. Bill Cosby

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.                Red Buttons

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. Ed Asner

My second favorite household chore is ironing, my first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. Harry Truman

Most children threaten, at times, to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller

The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering. Paul Reiser

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.        Michelle Pfeiffer

I am not allowed to sing, dance, laugh or wear short skirts. Having a teenage daughter is like living with the Taliban.  Kathy Lette

There is nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won’t aggravate. Anonymous

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is. Erma Bombeck